How I Have Come to Know God: Through Shadow and Light
Everything and everyone contains within them a light and a dark side. The face we show to the world, and another relegated to the shadows.
Historically the light side represents kindness, forgiveness, grace and love. It represents God. Light feeds on light and expands, multiplied endlessly.
When it comes to the dark side, the parts of ourselves that spend too long in shadow become darker. Like mold growing in an abandoned corner, unattended shadow parts spread and find ways to seep out.
Some of us were born into families with tremendous darkness and shadow. Families affected by addiction, personality disorders, abuse, secrets, and deceit. Organizations and cultures also have shadows. And some are darker than others.
When this happens, the shadow frequencies become embedded in us, and we may find ourselves drawn to similar patterns or people.
Those with a deeply shadowed side may ask:
Why am I in yet another dysfunctional relationship?
Why do I recreate chaos when stability is what I crave?
Why do I have this negative emotion that just won’t release no matter what I try and do?
Why do I keep turning towards that substance or behavior?
Why am I drawn to certain types of people when I believe some other type would be better for me?
The Heart of the Shadow Side
It may seem hard to believe (and some outright reject this notion), but I believe this shadow side is God, too.
To feel the light, we must also understand and experience some darkness. As Leonard Cohen famously said, “There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.”
For those of you who shut down when you hear the word “God,” please hang in here with me.
When I say “God,” I speak of the universal energy surrounding us all. A God of energy and movement, of birth and decay. A God that creates life and death. Ultimately, a God of the natural order of things.
And this God wants to be known for all that God is. God is love, light, compassion, joy, and peace.
But God is also struggle, chaos, hurt, and pain. Those of us who intimately know the shadow are just as much a part of God as anyone else.
In this life, we are given the special task of alchemizing this shadow, the depths, and the darkness into power, transformation, vulnerability and strength. Especially, those of us born into environments of pain, we recognize this task intimately.
I have worked with so many people over the years who struggle with addiction, mental illness and problematic relationship dynamics and then blame themselves for the repeated patterns. Oh, the shame! Those frequencies are embedded inside of them and they can’t get away from them any more than they could change their eye color.
I’ve got it too. It is who we are!
But we can transform and alchemize. We can use all that shadow to grow empathy, self-compassion, greater depths of strength and power, and ultimately love for all the expressions of God.
Moving Closer to Ourselves
To become truly connected to all of God, the glory and the shadow, we must first be willing to shine a light on our own shadow side. We must look more closely at the legacy we are caught in, and to lean further and further into honesty and vulnerability.
In doing so, we can love and accept life in all of its forms. We know that all parts, all people, even those in the darkest of places, deserve light and love.
I have been there and I see you. I have spent years diving into my own and other’s shadows and learning the intricate patterns of that world. It’s a tricky place that requires a special kind of help.
So much acceptance and compassion as a balm for the shame, but also a deep commitment to challenge and boundaries.
I will hold you in love while I also hold you accountable. I’ve got both of these in spades. I will be a conduit, reaching for you in the darkness and guiding you toward the light, through the shadows, knowing that through alchemy something tremendous will be born.
Yours in darkness and light,
